Oh. My. Goodness.

Where has this summer gone?

I haven't updated this in a long time for several reasons. One is because I've been too damn busy. Two jobs and a play have really taken it out of me. I'm enjoying having the money, of course, and acting is fulfilling for its own benefit...but that does not change the fact that I'm damn tired. My sleep schedule has also been completely screwed over by all of these events, namely the release of The Dark Knight. Have I said what my two jobs are? One is the same school job I've had all along. The other is working at the IMAX. So yeah. When Dark Knight came out, my life kind of fell apart. Working until 3 AM, getting up again at 8 to go to work/go to a play. Where did my free time get to? Sorry, I'll stop griping. I know other people have it worse; I just wasn't expecting to have everything get all wonky.

The other reason I haven't updated is because when I upgraded my Firefox to 3.0, I lost ALL my bookmarks, including this one. I operate on the internet rather strangely; if it's not in my bookmarks, I don't check it very often, or at all. So when it went poof, I kinda forgot about doing this. Forgive me.

Anywho, to my two friends who check this blog: are we going PAX'ing this year? I want to. I just don't want to go alone.

Do you have the time to listen to me whine?

Actually, I'm not going to whine. Well...maybe I will. It will be a whine sandwich. I will start out with the awesome thing, put in the middle a bad thing, and then finish it off with another good thing. The bad will be outbalanced by the good, yet still there, leaving a taste in your mouth that you don't quite know what to do with...okay, I'm done with the food metaphor.

So. I went to Emerald City Comicon. JEEBUS H. CRICK, I wish I had more money/had gone to comic conventions in the past! It was so freaking awesome! Basically, it was a place I belonged. The webcomic artists I saw there (Gabe and Tycho, Jeph Jacques, Sam Logan, Scott Kurtz, Kris Straub, David Kellett, Brad Guigar, Alina Pete, and some others whom I can't remember at the moment) were awesome. I even got Jeph and Sam to draw me! They are my two favorite webcomic artists, so I pretty much almost melted right after that. Oh, and...I bought a Jinxlet. Look it up. I also got plenty of art from everyone; a Sam and Fuzzy poster, couple of limited prints, two T-shirts. I would have spent more if not for my fiscal responsibility.

Now, I'm not a Star Trek fan by any means (though some people seem to think so...), but I also got to see Wil Wheaton. Basically, dude is know for being one of the coolest geeks around. And even though I wasn't sure about that, he seriously is. He's so geeky because he has these fanboyisms that get the better of him, but he's so...proud of it, that you can't help but admire him. Basically, now I want to grow up to be him (did I mention he's a writer as well?).

Now for the bad: Caitlin. My ex girlfriend. If you don't know the story, I'll make it short. She broke up with me on April 1st (aka, April Fool's Day), saying that we were moving too fast (we had known each other for 4 years), while the real reason was to be open to date someone she had only known for a week (though she denied it at the time and still denies it, I believe). Oh, and to top it all off: SHE DID THIS ALL OVER A MYSPACE MESSAGE. Can you say "cowardly"?

Now, although I might give the appearance of a guy who is perfectly comfortable with himself, I'm really not. I have major self-confidence issues, especially when dating. So when this all went down, I went down...hard. It's taken me until just a month or so ago to really build up my confidence not only to the point where I was before Caitlin but above even that. I'm keeping all my options open at this point in time concerning the dating world, and I like it a lot. I feel like I'm finally a nice guy who won't settle and is not always doing the chasing.

Back to the present. Tuesday night. I'm on MSN, talking with some friends, when all of a sudden, an IM from an unknown source pops up. Except...it's not that unknown. It's one that I had deleted almost a year ago. Caitlin was trying to talk to me again.

All my doubts about myself, everything that happened, it all came rushing back to me. All the pain and anger and everything else. Here was a girl I let close to my heart, only to have her hurt it, and she was contacting me for the first time in a year, saying she "missed our friendship" and that she felt bad for what she did.

I basically said as little as I could, waited until she got off-line, and then called my mom and proceeded to have a panic attack. I was crying, I was cursing, I was feeling bad about myself...I was broken, and all it took was this stupid IM screen. Was I really that weak?

It took me the rest of the night to calm down again. I kept talking with my friends over the internet, and they all essentially told me two things. 1) I was better than her and I needed to tell her to go away forever. 2) She was probably trying to get back into the relationship (something I had suspected as well). So after I came to a spot that I could finally be stable, I wrote her a Facebook message saying she should never contact me again. I really wanted to call her and tell her that so I wasn't as bad as her with her freakin' Myspace breakup, but I deleted her number, and in no way wanted to try and talk with her long enough to get it again.

So that was the bad news. Now for the other good news.

I HAVE AN APARTMENT!

Coran, Clair, and I just (as of two hours ago) signed the lease for our totally awesome two bedroom apartment. I. Am. So. STOKED.

And now I run out of words. I'll have more later, I promise!

Universe Man, Universe Man, Size of the entire universe Man

Blogging...blog blog blogging...

Well, I'm trying to think of what's new in life. It doesn't seem as if there is much. I'm trying to figure out what the hell to do with this freaking hurt neck that is preventing me from doing much of anything, especially swing (which is bad considering we perform in less than a week!). I had my Chinese midterm today. I didn't do absolutely fantastic on it, but I tried my best and I think it went over fairly well.

Oh, and I think my sleep schedule is completely messed up. I just took an hour and a half nap which was FABULOUS. Still need to do laundry.... Oh, and my dad emailed me back. So we're on talking terms again. Which is a good thing, I hope. We'll see how it goes.

Sorry, no deep or profound thoughts in this little ditty. And I STILL need to get my picture taken for this. And I REALLY want to write a review of Iron Man...but I'm going to wait until I see it again. Because I am going to see it again...oh yes....

Huzzah!

Got my test back today from Wednesday; got a B+ on it! For not studying, that is pretty much teh shizz, I tell ya.

This weekend is going to be interesting, though. I realized today that I have a lot of things to do before next week if I want to get in all my info on time for study abroad. It's hard when you are dealing with depression amongst other things to remember the little stuff, but I'm sure I will get it done; I always do, somehow. ;)

Anywho, someone send me a shout out! Let me know you're reading these things. Also, if anyone wants to discuss a Legend of Zelda fanfic with me, I have the basic idea, but I need to discuss with some people before I can write some more on it. So talk with me, please!

I'll try to post some works and stuff here soon...although I still prefer deviantArt for that...

I had a dream

No, I'm not Martin Luther King, Jr., and I don't profess to be. I really had a dream that's made me think.

In my dream, there was some circumstance where I was at an event (presumably unknowingly) where my father was speaking publicly. Now, if you know anything about me, then you know my father and I have been estranged for a period of about 3 years now (and if you didn't know that before, you know it now). So as my father was speaking, he made an obvious point of reconciliation while looking at me. I mean, looking me dead in the eye, saying words about needing to forgive and everything else, and seeming very sincere about it.

My reaction was the interesting part. I was basically screaming in his face, telling him no, that I didn't want to. I also ran away (although I turned into Sonic the Hedgehog to do so, so I question the validity of this part of the dream...). Yet when I woke, I felt like I should. I think it's at least partially the result of going on that yoga retreat this last weekend. I've been adopting the philosophy of, "Whatever will be will be," and part of that has been realizing I can't control other people; if I do, then I just add stress to my life. It's much better (and this is where the yoga comes in) for my karma to just let slide the things I can't change, accept the things as they are, and work on forgiveness toward others.

I can't, though. I can't forgive him. Not yet, at least. I can say, "Dad, I want you back in my life," or, "Can we talk about what's happened between us?" But I cannot forgive the man. If I said I could, I'd be lying to myself and to him, which isn't going to do anyone any good.

I guess I'll take baby steps and see how that works out. I might even do it this weekend. And if it doesn't work, then I'm right where I am currently, for better or worse.

Hopefully I don't turn into a blue spiky animal in the process, though....

The sun is a mass of...something or other.

Oh lookie, I'm blogging again! Huzzah!

So my mood has increased ten-fold. "How?" you might ask. "Easy!" I might say. "With the power of Sunny-D...without the D!" Seriously, though, the sun is a wonder I should really get reacquaint myself with. If I feel like playing a video game, I should pack up my DS and go to the nearest grassy knoll, sit my behind down, and get sun AND gaming done! Two birds, one ray of light!

I've also forgotten how nice it is to read outside. Oh, what a joy that is. But this makes me think: maybe my town of choice shouldn't be one that is infamous for its excessive falling water condensation.

...nah....

Took my Chinese test today. I totally didn't study for it, so I probably did pretty badly (but better than you'd think, considering how little I studied), but eh. I don't care. I'll do better for the next one. I had no motivation to do anything for it, no matter how hard I tried, so I let it slide. Que sera sera, or however you spell that; "What will be, will be." That's the philosophy I've been living by recently, and it's easing the stress quite well.

I'm sure I'll have more to say. Wednesdays are usually my busiest days, and today's no exception...except (ha, how fun it is to say that!) tomorrow I don't have to do anything. Well, I do, but it's not for classes, which, again, eases the amount of pressure on me. I might actually be able to get a shower in here somewhere as well; that'd be nice.

An act of writing is an act of writing, I suppose...

I used to blog a lot on Facebook and Myspace, but eventually, I realized that Myspace wasn't worth the time or effort I had given it thus far, nor would it be worth it in the future. Facebook hasn't been much better; the only reason I've stayed on there is it has been stable as another source of networking and communication since I can see email addresses and phone numbers, should the person in question give me that information (which happens nine times out of ten).

I've wanted to start a review blog for movies, but I've realized that I simply do not have the time to do that in addition to my duties as a blogger for the Broadway Hour and as a student at college. I could do it, I suppose, but my piece of mind will not allow me to do that because it would add to the stress that I cannot seem to rid myself of.

My friend, the Col., asked me to join him and our other friend, Jones, in a project combining poetry, photography, and general blogging. Now, I cannot promise I will do the first two since my poetry is something I like to keep close and I almost never take photos, but the idea of keeping in touch with these individuals and letting them know how I'm doing seems like a good idea. I may even write story ideas that have not come to full fruition yet because I am not sure what to do with them quite and I want some help.

And, I'll admit, it feels good to keep a journal again. I have trouble with the paper and pen ones since I always lose them, and eventually, this may turn into my China study abroad blog. But anyway I look at this, it seems like it's non-commital and it'll give me a way to express myself.

再见!