Support

So it's time for me to go LiveJournal on this bitch.

I'm depressed.  It makes sense for a lot of reasons: I'm almost done with college, I'm taking my first really difficult classes in what seems like forever, I have a family history of it, my friends are graduating this year, I'm not sure what I'm going to do after college, I have a lot on my plate at the moment what with 3 classes, 2 plays (one of which is extremely depressing), a job and a partridge in a pear tree, I've had repeated failures even entering the dating world recently, sometimes I miss China...the list goes on.

And yet, the one thing that I know I should do (seek friends out for support), I can't.  Maybe it's because I don't build a lot of friendships in the first place.  Well, at least, not outside of certain spheres.  I like a lot of people and consider myself "friends" with them...but I never seek interaction outside of specific situations like school, work, plays, etc.  It's the way I am; I make no apologies.  But you'd think I'd be able to call up some of my closest friends (or hell, even my ROOMMATES whom I do see on a regular basis) and say, "I'm feeling depressed.  Can you help me?"

Is it because I'm independent?  Do I want to fix all my problems on my own?  Or is it because, as per my usual manner, I don't like imposing on people if not absolutely necessary?  Not sure.  All I know is, I am uncomfortable asking for help in situations like this.

Then here's the fun thing: if I'm not comfortable expressing my feelings in this manner, why the HELL am I writing about it on a blog, probably one of the most public things a person can ever do?

The answer, as far as I can figure it out, is two-fold.  Despite the internet telling everyone, it doesn't address anyone specifically.  I am, therefore, informing rather than asking for help.  A slight distinction, but my mind apparently is making it.  The second part...there's no dialogue.  It's all me.  I don't have to listen to responses unless someone decides to comment, and even then, I can ignore/erase them at my leisure.  I have control, something that is important right now.

So yeah, there it is.  Thought you should know.

-David